we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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