This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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