I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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