The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
