I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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