Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
