Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
