Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
