honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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