no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
