i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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