the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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