I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
