I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
