i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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