watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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