I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
