I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
