pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
