saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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