But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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