So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
