just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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