I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
