I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
worst night to have a conscience
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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