I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
