i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
