So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
