I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
do herpes really smell.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
