we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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