Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
