And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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