What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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