so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
