yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
