i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
