So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
