where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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