Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
