im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
