I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
