Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
