why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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