she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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