we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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