ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
