Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
