tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
