Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
