OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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