so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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