He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
