You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
