In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
